Forgive and Renew
“This is hard for me to say,” my friend said, looking down at the table. “I’ve been avoiding you lately. It’s been too painful to interact with you.”
I felt cold with shock. When my friend had asked to meet for lunch, I’d thought she just wanted to catch up. But now she was telling me I’d hurt her deeply – enough that she had considered letting our friendship lapse.
What had stopped her was God’s prodding, reminding her that He had forgiven her for her sins against Him. He was calling her to extend the same opportunity to me – a chance to repent and reconcile.
Having said what she needed to say, my friend waited for me to respond.
“I agree we need to talk about this,” I said, choking back tears. “But I’m not up to it right now, right here.” We agreed to continue the conversation later, and I left without eating lunch.
Loving Enough to Seek Reconciliation
Recent years have been hard on our world – and our relationships. A global pandemic, natural disasters, and wars laden with human atrocities have pierced creation with incurable scars (Romans 8:22). In the United States, where nothing remains apolitical for long, these events have reverberated in the form of fractured relationships. Families and friends, classmates and coworkers have fallen out over COVID or the Israel-Hamas War.
Forgiveness is one of the sweetest gifts of the gospel – but often the hardest to put into practice. In many ways, our culture promotes attitudes that oppose forgiveness, encouraging us to cut “toxic” people out of our lives. And it’s true there are many tragic cases where the only viable option is to cease all contact.
But I’m talking about a different kind of relationship. I’m talking about the bride who was so caught up in her wedding plans that she neglected our friendship. The cousin we looked up to who never took us seriously. The friend we stopped talking to after a misunderstanding. The parent who angered us with overstated political opinions.
Perhaps nothing has outwardly changed in these relationships. We’re still going out for coffee or catching up at social events – but internally we’re nursing deep hurt and resentment.
I write this as much to myself as to you: we are called to seek reconciliation with one another. And successful reconciliation requires that we assume the posture Paul describes in Colossians 3:12–13:
…As those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so must you do also.
Forgiveness isn’t easy. Especially when we doubt the person who hurt us will respond well if we confront them. But we are called to put on hearts of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience toward those who hurt us – whether they follow suit or not.
And the truth is, we don’t know how they will respond when we confront them. Maybe they’ll angrily brush it off. They might even be unaware. But they might also be anxious to make things right.
The Result of the Conflict
After my friend confronted me at lunch, I spent the entire afternoon in painful, humble repentance. I was deeply convicted by the truth of her words and felt intense regret for having wronged her. Yet I found it strangely sweet to confess my sin to God and to know I was forgiven by Him.
Having made things right with God, I followed up with my friend the next day. With fresh humility I affirmed the justice of her grievance against me. I expressed my deep regret for how I had hurt her. I thanked her earnestly for giving me the chance to make things right. I told her I felt deeply loved, knowing she considered our friendship worth a painful confrontation.
My friend readily forgave me, and in the following months we worked to repair our friendship. Our effort paid off: we remain close to this day. And our bond is stronger and deeper because my friend loved me enough to confront me, and I loved her enough to humble myself and repent.
New Year, New Start
During the Christmas season, we’ve been celebrating the incarnation of our Savior and Messiah, Yeshua (Jesus). He came so that forgiveness could be opened to us all! As the New Year begins, we have a wonderful opportunity to start over – to lovingly speak to those who have hurt us, or to apologize to those whom we have hurt, and to seek reconciliation.
It could be the first step in your strongest friendship yet!
Written by Miriam, Life in Messiah Communications Assistant
Have you experienced the joy of reconciliation? Praise God for working to restore our earthly relationships!
Has God put someone on your heart to reach out to, offering or seeking forgiveness? Ask for God’s grace to be at work in the conversation.